The Psychology of “Dressing Up” Confidence
You’re not actually more confident, you’re just thinking nicer things about yourself
There’s a real phenomenon in psychology called “enclothed cognition.” It’s the idea that what we wear influences how we think, feel, and behave. So yes, when you wear heels or lipstick or that outfit that just makes you feel good, you might actually show up a little differently.
You’re not imagining it. Your brain is responding to the symbolism of what you’re wearing.
But that shift isn’t happening on your skin, it’s happening in your mind.
It’s not the heels giving you confidence. It’s what the heels mean to you. They trigger a mental association: powerful, sexy, put-together, “I’ve got this.” That’s what changes your posture, your tone, your presence.
But… and this is the important bit, that means you can access those feelings without the heels, too.
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Why the Confidence Doesn’t Last
The catch? This kind of confidence boost is usually temporary. It’s surface-level, what behavioural psychologists might call an extrinsic motivator. It relies on something external to create a temporary internal shift.
And the brain’s reward system loves it. You get a hit of dopamine, the feel-good neurotransmitter, because you anticipate positive social feedback. Maybe you’ll feel more attractive. Less judged. More in control.
But that dopamine wears off. And then?
You’re still left with the real voice that’s been quietly running in the background. The one that whispers “you’re not enough unless…” or “you don’t belong here.”
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The Brain’s Inner Narrator (And How It Sabotages Us)
This inner dialogue is driven by the default mode network, the part of the brain that becomes active when we’re not focused on a task. It’s where rumination, self-comparison, and “what will they think of me?” tend to live.
It’s also deeply shaped by early life experiences. So if you grew up with a parent who had poor body image or a lack of confidence (like so many of us did), chances are, your brain picked up those patterns, too. Not because you weren’t good enough, but because your brain is wired to model what it sees.
So no, it’s not “just in your head.” But it is changeable. Remember, anything that we have learnt, can be unlearnt.
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What Actually Builds Lasting Confidence?
‘Neuroplasticity’, the brain’s ability to rewire itself, means you can train your brain to think differently about yourself.
That’s what we do in coaching. We interrupt the old thought patterns and build new, more compassionate ones.
Because here’s the truth:
When you shift your self-talk, you shift your state.
When you feel emotionally safe, your nervous system calms and confidence becomes accessible.
When you stop outsourcing your worth to your appearance, you get to show up as your whole self, not just your curated one.
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Let’s Be Real
No one has ever said, “Thank god you tanned before our girl’s night out - I was really worried about it.”
Seriously. Just Imagine it.
That pressure you feel to show up looking a certain way? It’s not coming from other people. It’s coming from a belief system that’s been running on autopilot for years. Sometimes generations.
And it’s time we questioned it.
You don’t need to be fixed. You need to feel safe enough to be yourself.
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You’re Not Missing Confidence: You’re Missing Permission
The kind of confidence that lasts doesn’t come from the outside in.
It comes from the inside out, from learning to trust yourself, back yourself, and speak to yourself like someone worth listening to.
Because you are.
The heels, the tan, the makeup, they’re optional. The real glow-up is rewiring your beliefs.
And that? That’s something I’d love to help you with.
If you’re done with the surface-level stuff and want to feel genuinely grounded in who you are (with or without the heels), coaching might be your next step.
Let’s work together to rewire the beliefs that are holding you back, so you can show up fully, freely, and finally as yourself.
