Are You Resting or Resisting?
The Fine Line Between Self-Care and Avoidance
There’s a pattern I see time and time again.
A woman sits across from me, bright, ambitious, full of ideas. But stuck.
“I’m just being gentle with myself,” she says. “Focusing on self-care. Saying no more. Resting.”
And listen, I get it. We need that kind of care. Especially as women who’ve been raised to give, do, and carry everything without complaint.
But there’s a difference between rest that heals you…
And rest that holds you back.
I ask her gently…
“Is this really self-care… or is it resistance dressed up as rest?”
She pauses. And we both knew.
When Self-Care Becomes a Shield
Thankfully, the world finally acknowledges burnout and overwhelm, so it’s no surprise that we reach for softer, slower things.
But you need to know that Sometimes the very things that look like self-care are keeping us stuck!
The early nights, the long baths, the social media breaks…
Oh, absolutely, they can be nourishing….
Or they can actually be a really clever way of avoiding the real work.
The conversations.
The boundaries.
The content creation.
The decision-making.
The thing that would move you forward, but feels just uncomfortable enough to put off.
The Rule I Swear By: 5 Non-Negotiables a Day
I recently heard Kevin O’Leary share that both Elon Musk and Steve Jobs (love them or loathe them, undoubtably successful) followed a simple but powerful principle:
5 high-impact tasks every day. No matter what.
Not 25. Not a colour-coded planner of overwhelm on Trello.
Just five things that matter.
I have been doing this and advising this for a long time, but didn’t actually know that it was a technique used by others and was linked as a key to success.
Every morning, I jot down my daily five. Sometimes they’re business-related. Sometimes personal. Sometimes tiny. Sometimes bold.
But they’re always non-negotiable.
They thing is, I’ve learned that motivation doesn’t arrive like a miracle. Sadly.
It’s built, brick by brick, when you show up for yourself, even on the boring or busy days… Especially on the boring or busy days!
Try This Instead
If you’re stuck in that grey space between rest and resistance, try this:
Instead of asking:
“What do I feel like doing today?”
Ask:
“What would Future Me thank me for doing today?”
And then write your own 5-a-day list.
Here’s a few examples to spark ideas:
Move your body in a way that feels like a gift, not a punishment, walk, dance, stretch, lift, swim, play. Whatever works.
Create something (a post, a paragraph, a voice note, a plan), it doesn’t have to be perfect, it just has to be yours.
Connect meaningfully send the message, ask the question, follow up. Even if it feels a bit edgy. Especially if it feels a bit edgy.
Say no or reclaim a boundary big or small. Honour the ‘energy leak’ you've been ignoring.
Tend to your nervous system, breathe, journal, lie on the floor for 3 minutes. Stay away from scrolling, you need rest that restores, not just distracts.
Self-Care Isn’t Always Soft
Real self-care isn’t always candles and deep breaths.
Sometimes it’s action. Sometimes it’s boundaries.
Sometimes it’s doing the thing you promised yourself you'd do.
There’s nothing wrong with rest. It’s really important
But make sure it’s not covering up fear, procrastination, or self-doubt.
