The Subtle Power Shifts Women Face in Business
(And Why You Rarely Notice Them Until You’re Holding the Plate)
Women don’t lose power in business because of the big moments, we lose it in the tiny ones we barely notice. I had one of those moments recently. No drama. No tension. Just an everyday interaction that exposed exactly how quietly the room can reposition a woman, even when she’s the one who built the table in the first place.
We had a team meeting in one of my businesses. Everyone was hungry, so without thinking, I said, “I’ll sort brunch, give me two minutes.” It felt like the natural, helpful thing to do.
I wasn’t stepping out of leadership. I wasn’t sacrificing my place in the conversation. I was literally just preparing food.
Or so I thought….
While I was in the kitchen, one of the partners started discussing something major, a genuinely significant decision that affects the future of the business. The kind of conversation that requires every decision-maker present and engaged.
And I wasn’t there.
Not because I’m not a partner, not because I’m not involved or important, but because I was plating up brunch, ‘looking after’ everyone.
When I walked back into the room, the atmosphere had shifted. The conversation had already moved. Decisions had started to form, and in that split second, I could feel it: the centre of the meeting had quietly reorganised itself… without me.
I stood there holding the plates, and the penny dropped.
This is exactly how it happens.
Not with earthquakes. Not with obvious exclusion. But with tiny, almost invisible moments where women step out and the world simply carries on.
It’s Not About Malice…It’s About Conditioning
What struck me most wasn’t the situation itself. No one meant harm. No one intentionally shut me out. In fact, if I’d questioned it, I’m sure they would’ve been confused and said, “We were just talking.”
But that’s the issue: they didn’t notice. Because we have all grown up inside a culture where women stepping into nurturing roles is completely normal, expected, even. And when we move into those roles, even momentarily, the room unconsciously reorganises around us.
Men prepare food and it’s seen as thoughtful. Women prepare food and suddenly we’re “helping,” not leading.
It’s astonishing how quickly authority can shift, not because of intent, but because of deeply embedded patterns nobody thinks to question.
I’ve written about this kind of generational conditioning before, especially in The Woman Who Holds Everyone Together, because this isn’t really about brunch at all. It’s about the invisible roles women slip into every day, the organising, the smoothing, the supporting and how those “small” moments quietly reposition us long before we realise we’ve stepped out of the centre.
Lois P. Frankel Warned Us About This Years Ago
When I read Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office years ago, I remember thinking, “This is confronting… but also painfully accurate.” Frankel talks about how women unintentionally dilute their authority through behaviours we were praised for as girls, being helpful, agreeable, accommodating.
Not because we’re weak.
Not because we’re not leaders.
But because we were raised to serve before we were ever encouraged to lead, and in that moment with the plates in my hand, her words echoed loudly.
This wasn’t about brunch.
This was about a lifetime of conditioning converging in a two-minute gap.
If you haven’t read the book, it’s worth it for the self-awareness alone. You’ll start seeing patterns you didn’t even realise you were participating in.
Power Doesn’t Disappear All at Once, It Slips Away in Micro-Moments
When people imagine women losing power, they picture obvious things: being spoken over, dismissed, excluded from key meetings. This happens, but in reality, the real erosion is rarely dramatic. It’s subtle. It’s quiet. It’s socially acceptable.
It looks like:
offering to sort the food
taking notes
“just quickly” solving a practical problem
stepping away so things can keep flowing
smoothing a tense room
handling the emotional labour
These actions don’t look like disempowerment. They look like kindness, teamwork, conscientiousness. And because they’re positive traits, we rarely notice how they reposition us.
One moment, you’re leading.
The next, you’re facilitating.
And the room adjusts accordingly.
This pattern is something I see and write about often. We don’t lose influence because we’re incapable; we lose it because we’re busy doing everything around the work that actually positions us as leaders. I talk about this in Busy, But Getting Nowhere?, because so many women spend their days spinning, supporting, facilitating… without recognising how that constant motion slowly shifts them out of the centre of the decisions that matter most.
So What Do We Do About It?
The first step is awareness. You can’t shift a pattern you can’t see. And once you begin to notice these moments for what they are, you naturally start making different choices:
“Let’s pause that conversation until I’m back in the room.”
“This can wait, the discussion is more important.”
“Let’s start together once I return.”
“Food can wait; this conversation can’t.”
None of these statements are aggressive. They’re simply boundaries, small, steady reminders of your role and your presence.
Women are often taught that leadership means being louder, more assertive, or endlessly “leaning in.” But sometimes, real leadership is as straightforward as refusing to step out of the room in the first place.
If this resonates, you might also find value in How to Stop Letting Other People’s Opinions Run Your Life, because being visible isn’t just about being physically present, it’s about being psychologically and strategically anchored in your authority.
A Question to Sit With
Where are you unintentionally stepping away from the table, even for a minute and how is the room reorganising itself while you’re gone? Because this is where it starts.
Not with big decisions, but with tiny ones.
And once you begin to see these micro-moments clearly, you stop slipping into roles you never consciously chose.
You hold your position, you stay in the conversation.
You remain in the centre, not orbiting around it, and that, quietly, steadily, unapologetically, is where leadership grows.
