Your daughters will copy your nervous system before they copy your words

8 Aug

What it really means to break generational cycles as a woman.

You can say all the right things.

“You’re beautiful just the way you are.”
“You can be anything you want to be.”
“Speak up.”
“Rest when you need to.”
“Don’t let anyone make you feel small.”

But if your nervous system is constantly running on stress, shame, people-pleasing, and over-functioning...
If your body is still holding the bracing, the silencing, the trying to prove you're good enough...

Then your daughters will feel that louder than anything you say.

Because we don’t just teach with words.

We teach with energy. With tone. With presence. With tension. With patterns.

Our daughters learn how to relate to their bodies, their needs, their dreams, from us.

And this isn’t said to pile on guilt.
God knows we’ve carried enough of that already.

It’s an invitation.

To look at ourselves with love, not judgement.

To recognise what we inherited, not just genetically, but energetically.

And to gently ask:

“Is this how I want to live?
Is this what I want her to repeat?”

What your nervous system is teaching her

Your nervous system is the blueprint for her sense of safety.

If you hustle through exhaustion, she learns that being still is unsafe.
If you apologise for taking up space, she learns that her needs are “too much.”
If you respond to stress by shutting down or snapping, she learns that emotions are dangerous.

It’s not about perfection. It's about awareness.

Because when we bring awareness, we bring choice.

Healing is the most powerful parenting you’ll ever do

I didn’t understand this in my twenties.
I was trying to hold everything together, new babies, career, relationship, a house that never felt tidy enough.
I thought if I just said the right things, gave them a better childhood than mine, that would be enough.

But healing isn’t just about changing the outside.
It’s about what happens inside your body. Your breath. Your beliefs. Your nervous system.

And once I started to do that work, real, deep, embodied work, everything shifted.

Not all at once.
Not perfectly.
But enough.

Enough to stop the pattern.
Enough to make different choices.
Enough for my girls to feel something new.

This is what it looks like in real life

Healing your nervous system doesn’t mean you never get stressed.
It means you notice your patterns sooner.

You pause before reacting.
You breathe instead of bracing.
You rest without guilt.
You let yourself be supported and let them see that.

And that?
That is powerful modelling.

That is leadership.

That is legacy.

Start here: 3 gentle practices to begin shifting your nervous system

Catch the ‘shoulds’.
Notice when you’re driven by pressure to be ‘good’, ‘productive’, ‘useful’. Ask: “What would it feel like to choose differently?”
Let them see you rest.
Don’t just tell them to listen to their body, show them that you do. Lie on the sofa. Read a book. Say “no” to things that drain you.
Speak the repair.
When you mess up (we all do), say: “That wasn’t how I wanted to respond. I’m still learning. Let’s try again.”
Modelling repair teaches them that growth is allowed.

You don’t need to be fixed. But you do get to feel free

Your daughters don’t need a perfect mother.
They need you; honest, evolving, and human.
A woman who is brave enough to feel, to grow, to lead herself differently. And because when you do…
They will follow.

Not just your words.
But your nervous system.
Your truth.
Your love.

And that changes everything.