You Don’t Need Another Label

You Need to Do the Work

In recent years, terms like ‘narcissist’, ‘gaslighting’, ‘trauma bond’, ‘attachment issues’, and ‘burnout’ have become part of our everyday conversations.

Social media platforms are flooded with bite-sized mental health content. Self-diagnosis tools are everywhere. And it’s never been easier to describe ourselves (and our exes) using language that once belonged only to therapy rooms.

While there’s huge value in giving people language for their experiences, there’s a risk that we start prioritising the label over the healing.

Why we’re drawn to labels

There is no denying, labels can be a lifeline. They help us to articulate and make sense of what we’ve been through, especially when those experiences have been painful, confusing, or invalidated by others.

A study published in Frontiers in Psychology found that diagnostic labels can offer relief, self-understanding, and access to social support, especially for those who have spent years feeling "different" or misunderstood (Haslam & Kvaale, 2020).

In other words, naming the thing can be the first step toward reclaiming agency (your sense of personal power, the belief that you can choose, respond, and change your experience rather than stay stuck in it).

But labels don’t always lead to liberation. Sometimes they can actually become a trap.

When labels start to limit

There’s a fine line between insight and identity.

Labels like “anxiously attached” or “neurodivergent” or “trauma survivor” can explain a lot, but they can also become the lens through which we see ourselves and everyone else… And that lens isn’t always helpful.

When labels are misused, misunderstood, or applied too broadly, they can:

• Become excuses for stuck patterns (“That’s just my attachment style”)

• Keep us locked into fixed identities (“I’ll always be this way”)

• Fuel judgement or over-simplified diagnoses of others (“He’s a narcissist, end of.”)

This is especially problematic in relationships, where complex feelings are often oversimplified into quick psychological labels.

The rise of self-diagnosis (and pop psychology)

Research is now showing us that, while access to psychological concepts online can be empowering, self-diagnosis based on social media can lead to misinformation, unnecessary anxiety, and even the reinforcement of unhelpful narratives (BPS, 2022).

Yes, Instagram and TikTok might explain attachment theory or ADHD in just 30 seconds, but they rarely cover the nuance. What gets lost is the context, clinical criteria, and the individual differences that matter.

And when it comes to diagnosing others (especially ex-partners), the danger becomes even greater. Labels like “narcissist” are thrown around casually, often without understanding what Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) actually is, or how rare it really is (more on that in the next blog…).

When labels help… and when they don’t

Let’s be clear: labels aren’t inherently bad. They can be empowering when used appropriately. They help us advocate for our needs, find relevant support, and break the silence around mental health.

Labels help when they:

• Validate lived experience

• Provide a framework for understanding behaviour

• Open the door to appropriate support or treatment

• Create shared language for talking about hard things

Labels hinder when they:

• Become a box we trap ourselves in

• Justify unhelpful or harmful behaviour

• Block us from curiosity or growth

• Are used to shame, dismiss, or pathologise others

As with most things in psychology, the impact depends on how it’s used.

Stay curious, not conclusive

In coaching, one of the most powerful mindsets is curiosity.

Rather than jumping to conclusions about ourselves or others, we stay open to noticing:

• What am I feeling right now?

• Where might that come from?

• What need might be unmet?

• What pattern could be repeating here?

This kind of inquiry leads to deeper self-awareness than any label ever could. It moves us from “I am this way” to “I wonder why I respond this way?”

And in that space of reflection, true change becomes possible.

We all want to feel seen, understood, and validated. Labels can offer that, in part.
But they are not the end of the story. They’re the starting point.

You are not your diagnosis.
You are not your attachment style.
You are not a label.

You’re a whole, complex, evolving human being.
And healing happens in the doing, not just the naming.